How can I help myself? - MIND HK

Personality Disorders

What treatments are available?

How can other people help?

How can I help myself?

What causes personality disorders?

What types of personality disorder are there?

Why is it controversial?

What are personality disorders?

Disclaimer:

This publication is based on a Mind UK publication and the original version may be found here: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/a-z-mental-health/

Thank you to Mind UK for sharing their valuable content with us. Content included in Mental Health A-Z is made available free of charge and does not form part of any commercial activity. The adaptation has been done independently by Mind HK and is intended for general information purposes only.

How can I help myself?

If you experience a personality disorder, every day might feel like a struggle and there may be times when everything seems too much to cope with. There are coping strategies that can help though. Below are some ideas of things you can do to help yourself both now and in the longer-term.

Different things work for different people at different times so try to be kind to yourself if some things don’t work for you. We are all unique so things you find helpful when you are struggling may be really personal to you, and may change over time.

What can I do now?
What can I do in the longer-term?

What can I do now?

If you’re experiencing lots of difficult feelings and are particularly overwhelmed it can be useful to break things down and focus on one thing at a time. Below is a list of tips and techniques which might help you through difficult periods and over time you might develop your own techniques to add to this list.

If you’re feeling angry, frustrated or restless

What you could do to get through it:

try a breathing exercise
turn up your favourite music, and dance or sing
do something with your hands, like fixing something or making something
do something creative like colouring, drawing, creative writing or making music
write in a journal
take a shower – some people find trying a cold shower in particular can help.

See our page on how to manage anger for more tips.

If you’re feeling depressed, sad or lonely

What you could do to get through it:

get comfy and watch your favourite TV show
read a favourite book
write all your negative feelings on a piece of paper and scrunch or tear it up
listen to a song or watch a video you find uplifting
write a comforting letter to the part of yourself that is feeling sad or alone
cuddle a pet or a soft toy.

See our page on self-care for depression for more tips.

If you’re feeling anxious, panicky or tense

What you could do to get through it:

make yourself a hot drink and drink it slowly, noticing the taste and smell, the shape of the mug and its weight in your hand
take ten deep breaths, counting each one out loud
write down everything you can think of about where you are right now, such as the time, date, colour of the walls and the furniture in the room
take a warm bath or shower – this can help change your mood by creating a soothing atmosphere and a distracting physical sensation.

See our page on self-care for anxiety and panic attacks for more tips.

If you’re feeling dissociative or spaced out

What you could do to get through it:

breathe slowly
listen to sounds around you
walk barefoot
wrap yourself in a blanket and feel it around you
eat or sniff something with a strong taste or smell.

See our page on self-care for dissociative disorders for more tips.

If you want to self-harm

What you could do to get through it:

stick sellotape or a plaster on your skin and peel it off
hold ice cubes where you want to hurt yourself
have a very cold shower.

See our page on helping yourself cope with self-harm for more tips.

“Not everyone finds the same things helpful. It’s possible for people to find their own coping methods. Using techniques I don’t find helpful is actually very distressing, as is being told I have to do them.”

What can I do in the longer-term?

Taking some time to make your wellbeing a priority can make a big difference to how you’re feeling. Here are some ideas:

Talk to someone

It can be hard to reach out to people when you are not feeling well, but sharing difficult thoughts can often make them seem a little easier to handle. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to people around you, you could try contacting a helpline.

For example, you can talk to The Samaritans Hong Kong (multilingual hotline: 2896 0000) or The Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong (Chinese hotline: 2389 2222) for free about anything that’s upsetting you. See Mind HK’s Community Directory for more information about different helplines and services.

Keep a mood diary

Monitoring your moods will help you understand more about yourself and your mood patterns, and to recognise changes which might be hard to spot otherwise. Many people use mood diaries to do this.

It’s also helpful to identify the good things that you’ve done or have happened to you. It’s important to practise being kind to yourself and note the positive steps you’ve taken or techniques that help.

“Sometimes I have good periods where my symptoms don’t really trouble me – at other times, they can be overwhelming. It’s sometimes hard not to beat myself up for the relapses, but that’s something I need to keep working on. It’s ok to struggle sometimes.”

Plan for difficult times

You might not always feel able to tell people how you’re feeling or what help you need so it’s a good idea to create a crisis plan that explains what you would like to happen in an emergency.

This could include:

who to contact
what treatments you would like to have or avoid
at what point you would like people to consider hospital treatment as an option.

There are many different types of crisis plan.

Contact an advocate If you feel like you’re not being listened to or treated fairly (such as when talking to doctors or accessing treatment) an advocate can help you have your voice heard.

For more ideas about caring for yourself when you’re feeling unwell, see our pages on self-care for a mental health problem.

Make a self-care box You might find it helpful to have some things that help you when you’re struggling that you can access easily – a bit like making a first-aid kit for your mental health.

For example:

favourite books, films or CDs
a stress ball or fiddle toy for releasing agitation
helpful quotes or notes of encouragement
pictures or photos you find comforting
a soft blanket or cuddly toy
a nice-smelling candle or lavender bag.

“I learned distraction techniques. My favourite one was my Positivity Book, which is kind of like a scrap book filled with things which make me happy.”

Find coping strategies for self-harm

If you have a personality disorder, you may be self-harming as a way of dealing with very difficult feelings or overwhelming situations and experiences.

See our pages on self-harm for other ways to help yourself cope.

Try mindfulness or relaxation exercises

This could help you to feel calmer and manage unhelpful thoughts. See our pages on mindfulness and relaxation tips for more information.

“I learnt to be kind to myself and that life can be different if I put the work in. Some days I forget what it feels like to be positive and hopeful for the future, but I know it won’t last. I deserve to be happy and live a fulfilled life and I’m not about to let an illness take that away from me.”

Try peer support

Talking to others with similar experiences to you can be helpful. Peer support gives people a chance to share their experience, give and receive support and hear and learn from others. There are lots of ways to find peer support. You could:

try peer support services at NGOs and community centres, e.g. New Life.

Look after your physical health

Your physical health can make a difference to how you feel emotionally so it’s important to look after it wherever possible. For example, it can help to:

Try to get enough sleep. Sleep can help give you the energy to cope with difficult feelings and experiences. Try to get to know and respect where your limits are and how much rest you need to feel well – take lots of extra rest if you need it. See our pages on coping with sleep problems for more information.
Think about your diet. Eating regularly and healthily can make a difference to your mood and energy levels. See our pages on food and mood for more information.
Try to do some physical activity. Exercise, including gentle exercise, can be really helpful for your mental wellbeing. It doesn’t have to be anything vigorous, try a short walk or even some chair-based exercises. See our pages on physical activity for more information.
Spend time outside. Spending time in green space can have lots of positive effects on your wellbeing. See our pages on nature and mental health for more information and ideas to try in nature.
Avoid drugs and alcohol. While you might want to use drugs or alcohol as a distraction from difficult feelings, in the long run they can make you feel a lot worse and can prevent you from dealing with any underlying problems that the drug or alcohol use may have been masking. See our pages on recreational drugs and alcohol or the Hong Kong Jockey Club Drug Info Centre website for more information.

Find specialist support for any social issues contributing to your distress

Some people with personality disorders have had very difficult experiences which have contributed to their distress, such as abuse, bullying or discrimination. If you’ve experienced issues like these, it could be helpful to explore any help out there for these too.

For example, if you have been abused in childhood, the Against Child Abuse website has some support services, and our pages on PTSD list other organisations that could help.

What is iACT Service?

Improving Access to Community Therapies (iACT®) is one of the services from Mind HK. Trained Wellbeing Practitioners will offer initial assessment and early intervention for people dealing with mild to moderate symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other emotional difficulties.

The service includes 6-8 sessions of low-intensity psychological support, the flexibility of the service allows individuals to receive free and timely support when needed.

Am I eligible for the iACT service?

If you’re aged between 18 – 65 and are facing some emotional challenges, we would like to invite you to take an online assessment for us to gain a better understanding of your current emotional struggle.

If you’re eligible, we’ll get you connected with a Wellbeing Practitioner within two weeks to sort out the next steps.

How can I prepare for my sessions if I am enrolled in the iACT service?

The service runs for about 3 months and includes 6-8 support sessions, tailored to your needs.

We encourage you to attend all sessions and actively practice the tips and exercises provided by your Wellbeing Practitioner.

Will my conversation with the Wellbeing Practitioner be kept confidential?

We take your privacy seriously. Your chats with the Wellbeing Practitioner are confidential.

We won’t share any of your info unless you’ve provided consent or if there are risks detected.

I'm going through a tough time and feel like I need support right away. Is this service a good fit for me?

This programme isn’t suitable for people facing emergencies, major setbacks, or those diagnosed with serious or complex mental health conditions.

If you’re having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, this programme might not meet your needs, so please seek help right away. You can check out Mind HK’s “Find Help Now” page for immediate information and services.

What qualifications do the Wellbeing Practitioners at Mind HK have?

Most of our Wellbeing Practitioners have backgrounds in psychology or counselling and are passionate about mental health. They’ve gone through about 140 hours of intensive training and completed at least 120 hours of supervised clinical practice over 9 months to ensure the quality of service.

They’re trained by accredited local experts in the mental health field, including clinical psychologists, counselling psychologists, counsellors, and psychiatrists. Plus, we regularly check how effective our services are. All service outputs and performances are subject to consistent monitoring.

How can I help myself?

How can I help myself?

If you experience a personality disorder, every day might feel like a struggle and there may be times when everything seems too much to cope with. There are coping strategies that can help though. Below are some ideas of things you can do to help yourself both now and in the longer-term.

Different things work for different people at different times so try to be kind to yourself if some things don't work for you. We are all unique so things you find helpful when you are struggling may be really personal to you, and may change over time.

What can I do now?
What can I do in the longer-term?

What can I do now?

If you're experiencing lots of difficult feelings and are particularly overwhelmed it can be useful to break things down and focus on one thing at a time. Below is a list of tips and techniques which might help you through difficult periods and over time you might develop your own techniques to add to this list.

If you're feeling angry, frustrated or restless

What you could do to get through it:

try a breathing exercise
turn up your favourite music, and dance or sing
do something with your hands, like fixing something or making something
do something creative like colouring, drawing, creative writing or making music
write in a journal
take a shower - some people find trying a cold shower in particular can help.

See our page on how to manage anger for more tips.

If you're feeling depressed, sad or lonely

What you could do to get through it:

get comfy and watch your favourite TV show
read a favourite book
write all your negative feelings on a piece of paper and scrunch or tear it up
listen to a song or watch a video you find uplifting
write a comforting letter to the part of yourself that is feeling sad or alone
cuddle a pet or a soft toy.

See our page on self-care for depression for more tips.

If you're feeling anxious, panicky or tense

What you could do to get through it:

make yourself a hot drink and drink it slowly, noticing the taste and smell, the shape of the mug and its weight in your hand
take ten deep breaths, counting each one out loud
write down everything you can think of about where you are right now, such as the time, date, colour of the walls and the furniture in the room
take a warm bath or shower – this can help change your mood by creating a soothing atmosphere and a distracting physical sensation.

See our page on self-care for anxiety and panic attacks for more tips.

If you're feeling dissociative or spaced out

What you could do to get through it:

breathe slowly
listen to sounds around you
walk barefoot
wrap yourself in a blanket and feel it around you
eat or sniff something with a strong taste or smell.

See our page on self-care for dissociative disorders for more tips.

If you want to self-harm

What you could do to get through it:

stick sellotape or a plaster on your skin and peel it off
hold ice cubes where you want to hurt yourself
have a very cold shower.

See our page on helping yourself cope with self-harm for more tips.

"Not everyone finds the same things helpful. It's possible for people to find their own coping methods. Using techniques I don't find helpful is actually very distressing, as is being told I have to do them."

What can I do in the longer-term?

Taking some time to make your wellbeing a priority can make a big difference to how you're feeling. Here are some ideas:

Talk to someone

It can be hard to reach out to people when you are not feeling well, but sharing difficult thoughts can often make them seem a little easier to handle. If you don't feel comfortable talking to people around you, you could try contacting a helpline.

For example, you can talk to The Samaritans Hong Kong (multilingual hotline: 2896 0000) or The Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong (Chinese hotline: 2389 2222) for free about anything that’s upsetting you. See Mind HK’s Community Directory for more information about different helplines and services.

Keep a mood diary

Monitoring your moods will help you understand more about yourself and your mood patterns, and to recognise changes which might be hard to spot otherwise. Many people use mood diaries to do this.

It's also helpful to identify the good things that you've done or have happened to you. It's important to practise being kind to yourself and note the positive steps you've taken or techniques that help.

"Sometimes I have good periods where my symptoms don’t really trouble me – at other times, they can be overwhelming. It’s sometimes hard not to beat myself up for the relapses, but that’s something I need to keep working on. It’s ok to struggle sometimes."

Plan for difficult times

You might not always feel able to tell people how you're feeling or what help you need so it's a good idea to create a crisis plan that explains what you would like to happen in an emergency.

This could include:

who to contact
what treatments you would like to have or avoid
at what point you would like people to consider hospital treatment as an option.

There are many different types of crisis plan.

Contact an advocate If you feel like you're not being listened to or treated fairly (such as when talking to doctors or accessing treatment) an advocate can help you have your voice heard.

For more ideas about caring for yourself when you're feeling unwell, see our pages on self-care for a mental health problem.

Make a self-care box You might find it helpful to have some things that help you when you’re struggling that you can access easily – a bit like making a first-aid kit for your mental health.

For example:

favourite books, films or CDs
a stress ball or fiddle toy for releasing agitation
helpful quotes or notes of encouragement
pictures or photos you find comforting
a soft blanket or cuddly toy
a nice-smelling candle or lavender bag.

"I learned distraction techniques. My favourite one was my Positivity Book, which is kind of like a scrap book filled with things which make me happy."

Find coping strategies for self-harm

If you have a personality disorder, you may be self-harming as a way of dealing with very difficult feelings or overwhelming situations and experiences.

See our pages on self-harm for other ways to help yourself cope.

Try mindfulness or relaxation exercises

This could help you to feel calmer and manage unhelpful thoughts. See our pages on mindfulness and relaxation tips for more information.

"I learnt to be kind to myself and that life can be different if I put the work in. Some days I forget what it feels like to be positive and hopeful for the future, but I know it won’t last. I deserve to be happy and live a fulfilled life and I’m not about to let an illness take that away from me."

Try peer support

Talking to others with similar experiences to you can be helpful. Peer support gives people a chance to share their experience, give and receive support and hear and learn from others. There are lots of ways to find peer support. You could:

try peer support services at NGOs and community centres, e.g. New Life.

Look after your physical health

Your physical health can make a difference to how you feel emotionally so it's important to look after it wherever possible. For example, it can help to:

Try to get enough sleep. Sleep can help give you the energy to cope with difficult feelings and experiences. Try to get to know and respect where your limits are and how much rest you need to feel well - take lots of extra rest if you need it. See our pages on coping with sleep problems for more information.
Think about your diet. Eating regularly and healthily can make a difference to your mood and energy levels. See our pages on food and mood for more information.
Try to do some physical activity. Exercise, including gentle exercise, can be really helpful for your mental wellbeing. It doesn't have to be anything vigorous, try a short walk or even some chair-based exercises. See our pages on physical activity for more information.
Spend time outside. Spending time in green space can have lots of positive effects on your wellbeing. See our pages on nature and mental health for more information and ideas to try in nature.
Avoid drugs and alcohol. While you might want to use drugs or alcohol as a distraction from difficult feelings, in the long run they can make you feel a lot worse and can prevent you from dealing with any underlying problems that the drug or alcohol use may have been masking. See our pages on recreational drugs and alcohol or the Hong Kong Jockey Club Drug Info Centre website for more information.

Find specialist support for any social issues contributing to your distress

Some people with personality disorders have had very difficult experiences which have contributed to their distress, such as abuse, bullying or discrimination. If you’ve experienced issues like these, it could be helpful to explore any help out there for these too.

For example, if you have been abused in childhood, the Against Child Abuse website has some support services, and our pages on PTSD list other organisations that could help.