
Where/what has been important to you in your mental health journey? Why?
I have been on treatment for schizophrenia since 2016. Before the treatment , I did not used to be overtly sexual, but I still had sexual desires and sensations. However, after the treatment I lost sexual feelings completely and did not have a healthy sexual relationship with my then boyfriend.
I asked my psychiatrist upfront, “why did I lose my orgasm?”. The psychiatrist replied to me that the treatment should not have had any effect on my sexual function, but that it would only affect sexual mood a.k.a our libido. I could not make sense of it. Of course I would lose interest in sex if I cannot enjoy sexual pleasure!
I decided to look for alternatives to help me regain my sexuality. That is when I discovered sex toys. The toys worked wonders and I was able to regain my orgasm.
The significance of this journey is not the orgasm per se, but the control over my own body.
During this recovery journey, I always wore my rainbow bracelet. It reminds me of the diversity of human beings – with each special colour searching for the happiness of life together – which forms an inclusive society that we live in.
How has the stigma around mental health affected your life?
Self-stigma is the fear of our own condition; not daring to speak about it due to the fear of being shunned and not accepted by others, who may not understand mental illness. Disclosing my mental illness to others takes courage. I was fortunate enough that the people around me were open-minded.
What gave you hope during your recovery?
The first-hand experience in mental illness has made me a stronger person. Having gone through the psychiatric system, I learnt how to overcome the challenges such as the treatments and misconceptions. My friends are always surprised that I have been in this situation when they first knew about my schizophrenia.