I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago. Emotional struggles accompanied with skin allergies, stomach and kidney problems and insomnia, which made me feel suffocated. I would wait for the next day with wide-opened eyes every night, my skin condition had deteriorated to the point that I didn’t want to see anyone, and my physical health had declined to the point that I didn’t want to live anymore. These various difficulties and adversities made me feel utterly lonely. Before facing the emotional disorder, I had made a great effort to suppress my emotions. People around thought my struggles were trivial– “You don’t have to worry about money and meals, what are you so unhappy about?”. At that time I too believed that I should be strong as I hadn’t experienced something truly desperate. To avoid making my loved ones uncomfortable, I tried to force myself to appear “happy” in front of everyone. Over time, it only became even more painful as each sleepless night filled me with loneliness and self-doubt, leaving me wondering if there was a place for me and my overwhelming negative emotions.
While I was facing the emotional illness
As the situation became more severe, I finally sought medical help. However, the side effects of the medication made me utterly exhausted, sometimes I could even feel the emptiness in my soul. After going through a long and arduous recovery process, just when I thought I was regaining the control of my life, I would suddenly plummet into the abyss again. Since then, I have started focusing on exercise and diet, looking for my self-worth through training. Thenceforth, I have also obtained relevant coaching qualifications.
The stigma/self-stigma during recovery
In facing emotional illnesses, I realised that the resources society provided for such patients are really scarce. When people hear the term ”emotional illness”, they often think it’s a problem of perseverance or resilience. I hope to inspire people that emotional illnesses are neither terrible nor are they a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is a reminder that you need to face your emotions properly or you need to rest. It’s no different than falling physically ill, emotional illness will pass, and the key is to give your emotions a proper exit. We should not be afraid of relapses, because everyone can be at risk of getting sick again. The important thing is to take a deep breath each time, remind yourself it shall also pass just like the last time,and reach out. This is your unique experience, believe in yourself and have faith that it would only get better in the future!