when there’s knots in my stomach,
when I was paralysed by fear,
when climbing felt like a chore,
when the world started to turn grey,
when I kept searching for ways to escape.
Something was off yet I kept going,
I kept going cause persisting is all I know,
I kept going until I ran on autopilot mode,
until everything feels numb.
On the surface, I was having it all,
but deep down, I knew not at all.
I kept riding through the anxious and depressive waves silently,
though my close ones noticed my silent screams,
even my father said, “I haven’t seen you smile for a long time.”
One day I was tipping over to the depths of darkness again,
and I decided I didn’t want that anymore. I’m tired of it. I found help.
It looks like an ah-ha moment,
but actually it was a long time coming,
it was a cumulation of years of hurting, coping, questioning, reflecting.
I started looking inward,
looking at my feelings, thoughts, patterns.
We started reprocessing my stuck memories,
reshaping my self-view.
The process was overwhelming, yet relieving.
I started hating myself less, and appreciating myself more.
After endless tears, doubts, ups and downs,
I finally started to look out for myself,
and now I’m looking forward.
Dear me, thank you.
Thank you for your courage.
Thank you for your strength.
Thank you for your kindness, and for finally extending it to yourself too.
You will still feel off sometimes,
but always remember, all shall pass,
no matter good or bad.